


Ruin Mind

by Cosmounii



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: But for diffrent reasons, Dustin gets jealous, El & Jonathan & Will are happy sibilings, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Jopper is married, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, One Sided Love, Period-Typical Homophobia, Same with Will, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, They are around 16/17, Will still suffer, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 21:55:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12850299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmounii/pseuds/Cosmounii
Summary: Then thank to the fact sixth grade he started to develop a crush for a boy, his best friend, Mike Wheeler. Will knew from his horrible dad to the school bullies that it was consider horrible, a sin, to love a boy more then a friend way. He knew it by a fact but he couldn’t help it. Mike Wheeler would and will always be his first and probably only love he would ever have.Seventh grade was his ‘favorite’ year. Being taken by the demogorgon was the ‘best’ part. Will hid for such a long time, been stuck in the horrible place called the upside down for at least a week or more. Wondering if he was going to die in that hellish place. Luckily he was saved by Hopper and Joyce, Joyce always told him his friends, Jonathan, and Nancy did too. Will was happy, but felt worst that when Nancy told him they couldn’t save Barb.





	Ruin Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Mention of depression and suicide, if you get trigger or is very sensitive about this subject then please exit out of this story

Will Byers, he was actually very young when his life became shit. First it was Lonnie, calling him a faggot or hurting his family. Then it came to school where kids still called him the homophobic slurs. 

 

Then thank to the fact sixth grade he started to develop a crush for a boy, his best friend, Mike Wheeler. Will knew from his horrible dad to the school bullies that it was consider horrible, a sin, to love a boy more then a friend way. He knew it by a fact but he couldn’t help it. Mike Wheeler would and will always be his first and probably only love he would ever have.

 

Seventh grade was his ‘favorite’ year. Being taken by the demogorgon was the ‘best’ part. Will hid for such a long time, been stuck in the horrible place called the upside down for at least a week or more. Wondering if he was going to die in that hellish place. Luckily he was saved by Hopper and Joyce, Joyce always told him his friends, Jonathan, and Nancy did too. Will was happy, but felt worst that when Nancy told him they couldn’t save Barb. 

 

Great after Seventh that scared Will and hopped everything ended in the peaceful nothing ever happens Hawkins. But the world said no, Will was invided by the mind flayer that wanted to take over the world, but started small and took over the small boy that was haunted by the upside down.

 

Now Will and his friends are sixteen or seventeen, strong as ever. From the horribleness they all been through. The party contain six people Will, Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Jane (goes by El within the party) and Max. Mike has taken a long time to get use to Max same with El. But both humans accept the ginger and the party grew more happier. Well five did, but one didn’t. Will, he was still haunted by the upside down and he still had his sixth grade crush on Mike.

 

Will seeing Mike with El, made him ache with sadness. Will never told Mike or anyone about his crush on the freckle black hair boy. He didn’t need more people that he love to call him ‘faggot’.  Will decide to never let anyone not even his own brother  or blood to know this crush to he die.

 

\---------------------

 

It was a unusual rainy day in the town of hawkins, but that didn’t stop Mike from picking all five of his friends in his beat up car. You would think Will or Dustin to have a beat up car, no you are wrong. It was Mike, Mike got it without his parents knowing to the last minute.

 

Mike showed up to at Dustin then Lucas then Max house and last was the Byers/Hoppers. In tenth grade Hopper and Joyce decided to get married making the Will, Jonathan, and El siblings. 

 

“Bye you two.” Joyce called out as both teen ran out. Will yelled goodbye. El took her normal seat and Will did too. Lucas and Dustin were in their normal argument about who would win in a fight. Max was putting tape on the ceiling and making something that Will liked.

 

As Mike jumped into the car and El scolding him about it for the second time this week. He started the car and started to drive out of mirkwood. Will didn't really pay attention in the conversation. He was doodling in his notebook as the radio play music he never heard, but like. It had that rock n roll feeling that Will like.

 

“Hiya William what are you drawing?” Dustin said, pulling the small boy out of his own world. Will shrugged and looked at his drawing. He quickly flipped it over, noticing what it was. It was the demogorgon, demodog, and the mind flyer. Those three thing were so vivid in his mind, he came to conclusion he’ll never lose then. Dustin face grew confuse and knitted his eyebrow together. He didn't even get to see the drawing. But from the look Will had on his face, Dustin didn't need to see.  Dustin hugged him, worried that this boy is in a bad shape. Will smiled and said a thank you to Dustin as he went back to the conversation. This time Will heard it.

 

“Ok Lucas, if you are such a great remeber. Why didn't you tell me to get us food before we pass the place.” Mike spoke angrily. Will looked at his sister, wondering what was happening. El shrug and tried to calm Mike down.

 

“I'm sorry I forgot, we all do asshole.” Lucas replied back.

 

“Gu-guys calm down.” Will said as the argument started to get heated. Mike looked at Will though the mirror, just noticing how quiet he is. He been so busy holding hands with El and arguing with Lucas he forgot that Will was in the car, and how bad Will hate arguments. Mike let out a sigh and slammed his head on to the wheel, before Max and Dustin yelled ‘Eyes on the road’.

 

“Sorry Will.” Mike said. “and I get you your food after school little boy.”

 

“Thank you and I'm only 5’8 shut it you log.” The car was interrupted with laughing. Will laugh was quite force but since everyone else was laughing no one could tell.

\----------

 

Once the party arrived to school, they all went their separate ways. Max and Lucas, Dustin by his self (because he always do extra stuff around the school), El and Mike, and then Will who mostly tag around with Dustin. The reason why they split up because their locker were in different part of the school and their classes too. Once they parted ways, he notice how Mike was more touchy with El. Poking her nose more often, holding hands and not hiding it, he just gave her a kiss on the forehead in the middle of the hallway. El wasn't a fan of PDA after knowing what it was. But Will guess she finally liked it. Will let out a tired groan and wish he can just turn off his feelings. He was jealous more of El and he didn't want too.

 

“Coming today Byers?” Dustin asked. Will smiled but shook his head. He just needed to go to the bathroom and just think. Dustin nodded and high five the boy. “Ok, see you in home base  and just don't tell the group-"

 

“I don't do that often.”

 

“I got cake for lunch.”

 

Will formed a smiled at the boy. Him having cake and not telling the party, nothing really new. Dustin gave a toothy smiled and ran off to do his thing. Will walked over to his locker grabbing the books he needed for first hour. Once he pulled a book out, a piece of paper fell out. Will let out a groan, having an idea what it might be. He didn't even bother to open it already seeing ‘zombie’ though the paper. He just shoved it into his pocket and slammed the door closed. 

\------

 

Fourth hour, the party favorite hour, well not totally because it is lunch, but it is also because it is science and they all had this class together. Will liked it, but also dislike it. El would sit with Mike and they will hold hands under the table and giggling at each other. Will was tired of it, his heart aching more then once. Having flashback to the upside down, to his own father hurting him and his family. 

 

“William!” the teacher called out, using his full name. Will didn't even notice that tears threaten to fall, or how he had a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. The party and class looked at him, wondering why he looked so messed up. Dustin and Mike looked at him more with more confusion then the whole class. The teacher sigh and looked at Will.

 

The teacher decided to pick another student, good choice. Will just stare at the board, not understanding what just happen. He forgot he was staring off into space to Dustin shook him. Will wipe his eyes onto his arm and looked at Dustin.

 

“Everything alright? It's not like you to stare into space anymore.” Dustin asked in a whisper. Will nodded, Dustin let out a sigh, knowing Will doesn't speak much about his problem, but took his word. 

 

Group work was assign and it was four to a group. So the couples were in a group and Dustin and Will were together. 

 

“Every fucking time.” Dustin mumble grabbing the items both would need. Will agree and knew what he meant. Since the four started dating someone in the party Dustin and himself always got the short end of the stick. Working with each other, both didn’t mind though. Will learned that Dustin wanted to join the newspaper club and Will always brung it up each and everyday to he say yes. 

 

Both male walked to the desk, Dustin being himself kicked Lucas chair like usual. As they worked, Will would take glances at Mike or the four in general. They were happy without forcing it. Mike was happy with El and El was happy with Mike. Then the group of four, Will constantly ask himself how and kept asking himself. Then it just happen. Will asked if he can go to the bathroom, feeling the emotions. The teacher said yes, maybe knowing why since it's at least a week thing.

 

Will ran to the bathroom and just cried. Will Byers, the bully kid, the fucked up emotion byer. Even Jonathan had better control of himself when he still went here before he dropped out. Will hated himself and how he couldn't be like the others. Liking the other gender and being happy, but he was the opposite. 

\-----

 

Will arrived at lunch, few minute late as he had to explain (a lie) on why he wa late again. Will walked over to the party table and just looked at the food Joyce made him. El sat next to him and hugged him.

 

“Will what's wrong?” She asked. Will didn't speak, is it bad that he was jealous of his own sister. Nice, caring, beautiful, defender of her friends, dating Mike Wheeler. El sigh and just hugged him. El knew by a fact from living in the same house, Will still has the nightmares. Their nights he scream and won't wake up then their other when he does but that least likely to happens. “I wish-"

 

“I know.” Will said quietly. The party didn't say anything, why, no one knows. Even though Will was older than El, she always felt older then him in Will eyes. Once the two was done having a sibling hug, they turned their head back to the other four. Mike hugged both, arms on one of them and the other one. It was closet to a hug Will got now a days. But Will liked it.

 

After that, lunch seem to run as smoothly. The group joking on each other and Dustin sharing his cake,  giving Will the biggest piece then, Will giving half of it to Lucas. 

 

Lunch would have run perfectly by the end if Troy and James didn't show up. Lucas let out a load groan.

 

“fuck off Troy and James, we are trying to eat here without any ugly people here.” Max spoke. She knew how to handle people now, kinda, just push them down and grab a bat. That what she did with Billy so it bound to help with school bullies, probably.

 

“Or what, you're gonna hit me.” Troy said. Max quickly got up and as quickly brought back down by Lucas. Troy laugh at this action and looked at Will.

 

“Hey James it that zombie fairy that is still alive. Shouldn't you be dead?” Troy asked, pulling at Will hair. Mike sigh and got up, no one bound to stop him but El. She looked at Will and saw his eyes of discomfort and just emotions. The kids thought Will was uncomfortable but it was more then that.

 

Will was bound to get another emotional breakdown if he stayed but the two boys would just make fun of him and ruin a Will more. There was no win. 

 

“Just leave Troy, you don't want to pee your pants again.” Lucas said bringing up the seventh grade memory. Dustin laugh to himself, and looked at El. She is trying so hard not to laugh. 

 

“Oh you mean when the school had the assembly about Will being dead and Mike freak of a girlfriend causing that.” Will stayed quiet, but he wanted to leave, leave this curse school, hid or sleep forever. That was the only thought Will ever smile about now a days. Just sleeping forever. 

 

“Shut the fuck up Troy and fucking leave us alone. You are fucking idiotic if you just gonna walk here make fun of Will, my brother, and think I won't say shit about it. He isn't dead and I'm happy of that so about you walk yourself away from our table and leave us alone.” El said sternly. Will looked at her, seeing she was standing and resisting the urge to push both boy away. She had that look in the eyes that made everyone weary. Troy nodded and just ran off scared, James followed. She sat back down and hugged Will. 

 

Will was in his mind now, reliving flashbacks. Man he hated himself so much and was painfully jealous. I'm fucked, he thought. 

 

“Will come on we are going to leave.” Mike spoke softly to him, bringing him out of his mind. Will nodded and grabbed his mess and just threw it away. He just needed to get away from the group or just Mike and think. He couldn't skip school, Joyce would freak if she got a call. She still did when the phone rang and Hopper just had to comfort her. The group didn't know that if Will ever had a thing to do after school or not to the last minute. Will decide to use that to his advantage.

\---------

 

Sixth hour, the last class. Will, Mike, and El was in this class together. Both always talked to Will and hold hands, making Will just not want to be their any more. He also get notes thrown at him about every messed up thing he is. 

 

Mike and El showed up late and they were laughing and holding hands. Making Will hit his head onto the desk. The teacher asked what happen and Mike whisper something to her making her look at Will then back at Mike smiling. Will guessed it was something but didn't understand why look at Will. Was it a prank or just the party breaking up and kicking Will out? Did just grew tired of Will personality?  _ I change if you need me too _ , he thought to himself. He ran a hand through his hair as the two walked to the desk right in front of Will. 

 

_ I'll change, I promise, I don't want to lose you guys. _ He kept saying to himself. No one notice he was doing this, he sat in the way back when the teacher herself didn't notice.  _ I'm sorry if I'm a fucked up friend. I'm trying.  _

 

“Will.” Mike said shaking the boy. Mike hand was around Will wrist as El stood nearby, hoping the others didn't notice, of course not, most kids hated Will and just the party in general. Will didn't respond he was still in his mind, not wanting to leave it. He wasn't strong to face the world or his own self. “William!” his voice was stern and he shook harder. Will open his eyes, giving up, looking straight into Mike eyes, noticing El was behind him with a worried expression. He did it again.

 

“sorry.” Will said. El face dropped wanting to know what is wrong. Mike sigh, letting go of Will wrist. Will was sorry for many things. making his friends worried for him when he isn't worth it, being alive in general and causing a scene. 

Once El and Mike got back into their seat and turn it to Will. Will was wondering why.  _ Why pay attention to me?  _ El grabbed a hold of Will hand and held it, wanting to know what's wrong or what's happening. Mike just looked pissed, Will guessed it was him. 

 

Few minute pass to Will finally said something. It wasn't to the panic attack he wa s about to have, it was something different but similar.

 

“I have to stay after school to get some photos of kids at the quarry.” Will said looking at the couple in front of me.

 

“Ok I will tell mother once I get home, same time?” El asked. Will didn't know, he came up a lie to take photo of teens at the quarry, he just needed time for himself, away from family and friends and just people. 

 

“I don't really know, I will just walk home once I'm finish.” Mike looked at Will and raised a eyebrow. Did Mike notice that lie? Will hopped not. Mike stayed silent, Will had a lot of thoughts about what he was gonna say. What do you even say when your friend tell you a lie. 

 

“Ok, but you know Joyce rule, can't walk home alone.” Mike said, kinda teasing at the old rule that Will follow to this very day.

 

“Fine pick me up at sunset if that make you happy.” Will said irritated. El looked shock from the tone, it wasn't like Will to have that tone. Will Byers irritated was just something that wasn't seen by the group or kids. Will bit his lip, draining the color out of it. “Sorry, you just act like a mom sometimes.” He managed to crack a force smile. Mike laugh, knowing it was true and ruffle his hair, making El laugh at the messy hair. 

 

“If I'm the mom then you'll my son, take that.” Mike said. Will let out a laugh. He wanted to be more, but he guessed child or friend was all Mike ever see him as. The three chatted as the teacher gave out paper to work on. 

\--------

 

Will stood at the quarry. The rain stopped around lunch time, but the grounds were as muddy. Will sat down at the cliff and let his feet hang off. Will finally had time to himself, something he needed but didn’t. Will fiddle with his backpack, thinking and thinking. He knew facts that no one knew about or how his idea of life has change or their no future for him.

 

“Everything fucking sucks.” He said to himself. He knew no one was out here. No one could can yell at him to move from his spot. “Why am i such as fuck up, idiot, can't do nothing for damn self.” He kept speaking. He grabbed a rock and just chuck it at the water. 

 

Some hours past as Will just sat their, throwing rocks into the water. The sun started to set and the sunset was just a great view. Painted with fire like colors, Will wanted to grab a picture of it and So he did. Will got up and walked back some as he grabbed his camera that hung around his neck. Will started to get a good angle on how it should be. Right as he got a photo, he heard the car group knew. Will put down his camera to see the beat up car.

 

“AWWWWE LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY!” Max yelled once the car parked. She hopped out of the car to hug him. Will did try to break away and did so. As the other showed up, an idea pop up in his head and his eyes shined for once in his life. 

 

“You five in front of the quarry on where the cliff is.” He saw Mike face mix into a hurt. “Come on, let make it beautiful.”

 

“You are the definition of making everything beautiful Will.” El smiled and grabbed Mike hand and dragged him to the edge. Max dragged Lucas to the edge too and Dustin looked at Will, seeing how he was holding up. Will usher Dustin to hurry up and he did. 

  
  


Will got in position, seeing how the sky was a mixture of the sunset and the night sky. 

 

“say, beautiful.” Will said, ready. Everyone said it and Will took the picture, how much will loved it. His friends looked great and he was happy. El came running to him and grabbed the camera making him whine and a bit surprise.

 

“Will get in front of it now and I'll take the photo.” El said. Will quickly shook his head no, not liking photo of himself. El rolled her eyes and gave him the eyes. The inter group did. They never seen Will get a photo of him taken since seventh or eighth, he always tried to take them. But he gave in for once, it was crealy Mike. Mike had to join in the picture taking of Will. Of course why wouldn't he.

 

“Fine, but this one time.” El let out a squeal and Will just walked over their. The sun was lower now but still some light happen. Will got in his normal pose, standing their with his clothes covering his arm and his bag around his shoulder. His clothes were handy downs from Jonathan and in all honestly he didn't mind. He saved his mom from buying clothes that Will didn't need and Jonathan clothes were quite comfortable.

 

“Say beautiful.” El said.  Will didn't say it but either way El took the photo. Once it finish Will came back and El gracefully gave him the camera back and smiled. “I want to see these photo printed soon William.”

 

“Ok, I try tomorrow.” the group smiled and they all climb into the car. It was time for them to get home even though Max and Lucas said otherwise. Will looked though the photo and saw that how his photo was frame. El has her own way on taking photo, always on the angle. And the way she took it was how he does it. He didn't understand why, but he liked it for once. 

\-----

 

“Bye Mikey and be safe.” El said as she got out of the car. Will waved good bye. Before the two even took a step Mike came up behind the two.

 

“I'm coming along I wanna say hi.” El rolled her eyes and just grab the hold of Mike hand. Will looked away and continue to walk. He felt the back of his neck hair stand up and just stopped. He didn't like the feeling. Jonathan, Joyce, or Hopper would be at the front weaving high. But it different. He looked at El but didn't look back she was to in love with Mike.

 

Once the three arrived at the door a loud bang came from inside. El then looked at Will and just made the door threw open. Revealing four people, one that made Will want to scream at the present. Jonathan turned his head to the three teens and saw how Will.

 

Jonathan looked at Joyce and Hopper as Lonnie eyes travel to the three teens.

 

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE LONNIE!” Joyce yelled, causing Will to let a whimper. Jonathan gave her the signal for the three to escape to Will’s room. And they did. El has to pull Will to his own hair and locked the door. Mike sat Will on his bed and Will just broke down. He didn't want to see Lonnie. He had memories to prove that. Mike hugged him and El looked at the two.

 

“Why is he here, I don't need him here. My life is already fucked up.” Will said. Mike hugged him harder and he cried harder. He cried because Lonnie came, he cried because his life sucked, he cried because he is showing a side he didn't want to show again to his friends. He fucked up big time, and he knows it. 

 

Will broke the hug from Mike and Mike was hurt, he wanted to hold him and hoped he was ok. El sat next to Will. The three just sat their in silent, only to hear more yelling from Joyce or Lonnie or Will sobs. Jonathan tried to leave to check on the three teenagers but was forced to stay because Lonnie decide to block the way.

 

2 hours passed, the three was still in Will’s room. Will decide to play the music he had the hold of and played it low, but high enough for the three can hear. Will laid on his bed and hugged his pillow as the other two sat at the end of the bed. Minutes later Will just fell asleep then the couple fell asleep on the floor leaning against Will bed. 

\-------

 

Will woke up around one o'clock am. It wasn't a good time to be awake but it didn't matter. He found Mike and El at the edge of the bed sleeping. He wonder if his parents or Jonathan check on them. But then Will remember El locked the door so probably couldn't. Will got off of his bed and wrapped a blanket around the two. He unlock the door to reveal a dark hallway. He then looked out of his window, he decided to take a night walk, but hated the fact it had to be with no light remembering the worst things from back then. But he needed it.

 

So Will just grabbed his backpack, camera and a flashlight. He walked out of his room and just ran to the front door. Noticing Joyce and Hopper laid on the couch, Joyce had tear streak down her face and it broke her heart. Will wanted to know why Lonnie was their but also did not. Then Hopper had an arm around her, holding her prospectively.  _ Jonathan wasn't in sight, probably went to his room,  _ Will thought.

 

Will pulled his shoes on, not really needing a jacket on since he feel asleep in his clothes. He open the door and turned on the flashlight. Will took a deep breath and just ran. He wanted to visit the quarry and just sit there and think. 

 

\-------

 

Will sat at the quarry and had more than one piece of paper in front of him, writing down everything about himself and how sorry he was and what to do with everything. His family and friends also got letter for himself to read. After sitting at the quarry for an hour or three thinking and had somehow convince himself, he was worthless. One hour was him just plain out crying his eyes out and tried to think positive. But Mike now saw how bad Lonnie was and said something he shouldn't. Will couldn't even move himself he had to have Mike and El for help and he didn't help his family. He was a failure to them. 

 

Will soon got up and placed his camera beside his backpack and the note and the flashlight held the note down. A paper was put onto the backpack saying it for the byers/Hoppers if it was found by another person. Will looked down and took a deep breath, he always wanted to sleep forever and wanted the vision/flashback to the upside down to stop, him hating himself to stop. That's all he ever wish for and he finally got it.

\---------

 

Seventeen people showed up his funeral. The Wheeler’s, The Sinclair's, The Henderson, Max and Steve, and of course the Byers/Hoppers. Joyce blames herself for letting her son die. She should have been there for him more often. But she didn't and it fucked her. It fucked the party too and Steve. They already loss Will more then once but that was temporary. But now it forever.

 

The families stood around the funeral. Jonathan manage to get the photo finish before the funeral happen and it hit El hard. She never heard him say beautiful and after reading the letter that was written to her. She want to shut herself out but she knew she had to get through it with her family and friends and her boyfriend. 

 

Mike letter was different, it was a letter of Will saying he always had a crush on him and that broke Mike even more. Will suffer from one sided love he thought but Mike loved him too but he knew how people would react so he hid those feelings. Guess hiding feelings weren't a good idea anymore.

 

When Hopper arrived back to the house after everyone looked for Will. Mike hit and fought Hopper again about how this was his fault and just cried. Be lost his best friend and he couldn't live how this was his fault. 

 

“William Byers, a great student, my s-son that did great deeds for us and protect us. H-he is an-and will alw-alw-always be very loved by u-us.” Joyce said as her voice started to get weak in every word. She hugged hopper and he kissed her head as he met out a sob. Everyone started to cry or let out a sob. They wanted Will, they wanted this to be fake, a cruel nightmare, but it wasn't it was all real.

 

Those letters, those tears, this funeral, this day was all real and no one wanted it be. 

  
“So sorry will, I forgot our promise.” Mike mumble as he grabbed a hold of El hand. El frowned even more and hugged Mike, crying. Everyone was crying. The world in general caused this onto Will and he just needed it to stop. 


End file.
